My Spiritual Food

John 4:31-34 (NKJV)
31 In the meantime His disciples urged Him, saying, “Rabbi, eat.”
32 But He said to them, “I have food to eat of which you do not know.”
33 Therefore the disciples said to one another, “Has anyone brought Him anything to eat?”
34 Jesus said to them, “My food is to do the will of Him who sent Me, and to finish His work.

So I was walking around in Lowes this morning looking for a part to a toilet for work. I began, as I most often do, perusing the Home décor aisle. It is a common practice of mine to daydream about my future home. You see, I’ve found myself at a place in my life where I want to settle down. I’m ready to own a home, have real furniture, have a TV I can be proud of, etc. My wife and I are committed to living financially according to the scriptures, so it is taking us a little longer. I find myself yearning for these things. A “real home” with a “real family”. It hurts my heart, I want it so bad.

Recently, our small group studied John 4:31-34. This particular verse has spoken to me many times, but it was in Lowes that I understood its true meaning. While dreaming of my front door and my deck, I suddenly became overwhelmed with what felt like shame. I felt as if I had a hole in my chest thinking that my “grown-up life” would never come. Then it hit me: This is what I desire more than anything. I desire a typical American home with all the amenities. I desire something to call my own. I desire a deck, a pool, an enormous grill, a new bedroom suite, a zero-turn lawn mower, and most of all security. I desire a life that is relaxed, filled with consistency and order. The Holy Spirit asked me, “How does this have anything to do with why I called you?”

The truth is that it had nothing to do with it. Somehow my calling had become a calling to preaching once a week, teaching a Sunday school class, and teaching a church to grow. All of these are ok, but they are not the calling of Cory Wayne Page. Any monkey with a church growth book can teach a church to grow. We have had a 15 person increase in Sunday school just by offering breakfast! As of November 10^th, 2008, I lead a very low-impact life. I am ashamed at how much I want worldly security. I am ashamed at the way I’ve turned my back on the God that called to turn the world upside down and settled for a life of comfort. When was the last time I witnessed to someone? When was the last time I wanted to? What am I seeking to fill me? I’m called to be different dangit! I’m called, not because I’m called to preach, to live a life where people look at me and think, “How in the world is he living that way. It doesn’t make sense”. I should live in such a way that I can say, “I have sustenance that you cannot imagine. I am fulfilled by doing the will of Him that sent me. I am called out by the same God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. I am called to be as bold as Daniel, and as passionate as Paul.”

I want eyes that desire to see God. I want a heart that desires to know God. I want a stomach that longs to be filled with God. I want hands and feet that long to touch God. I want to be hungry for that food that only comes from Him that sent me. I want to taste that spiritual manna that is as sweet as honey on my tongue. I want, I want, I want, I want, I want……..I guess that was the problem in the first place.

I Need.

---